The Golf Joke of the Day

Golf Joke of the Day:

“The original title for this movie was ‘Golf in the Kingdom.’ While the studio was doing market research, they discovered that women didn’t like the word ‘kingdom,’ so they changed it to ‘courses.’ But men didn’t like the word ‘courses,’ so it became ‘links.’ And then people in Scotland didn’t like the word ‘links’, since it also means a sausage. So finally they settled on ‘Tin Cup’.”

– Kevin Costner as Roy McAvoy in Tin Cup

Golf players like to try out new shots on the course, but not all of them work. At a club in New Zealand, which has a reputation as one of the toughest courses in the world, a player had just completed his round and was changing in the locker room.

“That was quite a round you played today,” said another member. “You must be very happy.”

“I would have been,” he replied, “if only I had not hit my ball into that crocodile pit on the 14th hole.”

“What did you do?” asked his friend.

“Well, I hit it out with my 9-iron.”

“Didn’t that make you lose your temper?”

“No, I kept my cool,” he said. “But on the next tee I hooked my drive into an elephant pit. What could I do? The elephant wouldn’t move, so I had to take a penalty drop.”

“How many strokes did that cost you?” asked his friend sympathetically.

“Penalty drop? I kept my cool,” he repeated. “I took another 9-iron and hit it out again.”

So, how’s your game?

I’m quitting this week. I’ve been playing for three months and my wife still doesn’t know about it.

I can’t decide whether to take up golf or divorce.

There are two kinds of golfers: those who lie, and those who don’t know the difference.

A golfer asked his friend what he thought of his new clubs. “They’re great,” said his friend. “But the bag is a little heavy.”

“Oh, that’s my wife,” replied the golfer. “I left her in there!”

The new minister was at home with his wife one evening when she asked him if he’d like to play a game of charades. “Sure,” he said, “You start.”

Q: What’s the difference between a car salesman and a golf salesman?

A: The car salesman can probably drive!

Q: Why is playing golf like a pregnancy?

A: You need to suffer for nine months before you get something back that is small, wet and you’ll have it the rest of your life!

Q: Why couldn’t the golfer see his opponent?

A: He was standing behind a Tamarack tree.

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He’s in the middle of a game when he realizes he’s lost his ball. He sees a bottle with a cork on it and decides to open it. Out pops a genie. The genie says, “You freed me from my prison, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you get a hole in one, I’ll give you all three of them.”

The guy says, “Okay, for my first wish, I want 10 million dollars.”

The genie says, “Done.”

The guy says, “For my second wish, I want 10 beautiful women.”

The genie says,”You’ve got it.”

The guy says,”For my third wish… hmmm… I guess I want a mild heart attack.”

A man was walking his golf course one day and found a small frog sitting by the side of the road. The frog turned to look at the man and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful woman.”

The man knelt down, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog’s voice came out from under his arm and said, “What’s wrong? Didn’t you hear me? If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful woman.”

The man replied, “At my age I prefer having a talking frog.”

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