Golf is an easy game, it’s just hard to play.

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

Golfer: “I’ve played so poorly all day; I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

The man who invented golf was destined to be strung up by the thumbs. Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.

Golf is a game whose aim it is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

What’s the definition of a mulligan? An unplayable lie with a zero percent chance of making par.

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.

Bobby Jones

The only thing wrong with golf is that there isn’t enough of it.

Henry Longhurst

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

John Updike

I’ve spent most of my life golfing… the rest I’ve just wasted.

Anonymous

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.

Tommy Armour

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Why isn’t there a golf course on the moon?

Because there isn’t any grass on the moon.

How do you get a gorilla to play golf?

The same way you get an elephant to play golf. You put him in the game.

On his deathbed, an elderly gentleman was interviewed by a priest and asked if he had anything he would like to say for the record.

He said, “Well, yes. I can’t stand all this talk about how great Tiger Woods is. I think it’s unfair to compare him with Ben Hogan, Gene Sarazen and other great players of the past.”

“Why is that?” asked the priest.

“Because,” said the old man, “it’s not fair to them.”

A guy is driving down the street and a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to the car and asks, “Sir, did you know that you were speeding?” The guy says, “No I didn’t officer.” Then the cop says, “Sir, did you know that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” The guy says, “Oh no! Is she okay?” The cop says, “I don’t know. I’m just telling you what I saw.”